


I will love him forever

by therosewriter



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, this is sad very sad lots of sad and a bit more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 09:46:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20356429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therosewriter/pseuds/therosewriter
Summary: Todd has just heard that Neil killed himself, he is reeling and hurt. it's basically just what he's thinking after he's told. there is not really a plot. it's really quite sad.





	I will love him forever

**Author's Note:**

> I finished writing this at about 20 minutes past midnight, scrawled in my paper pad. I was watching sad edits in YouTube and was writing this in my head so I thought that I may as well share it. as well as the fact that scribbling a sad story in a notebook, at midnight by the light of a phone torch is rather a picturesque position to be in.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this, or like how I wrote it and stuff :)

the words were in the air and they were sticking, hanging onto the scent of him. they were true, painfully true. I sat there until there wasn't anymore air, no more oxygen, and my throat burned but I didn't want to do anything about it. why would I, or why should I? then the pain started, stabs at my heart, spreading out until every bone in my body was broken and the only reason I had not died yet was because I didn't want to leave behind the lingering scent of him. the smell of the kindest and bravest man I have known and have yet to know.

outside, I was outside and into the snow, I could feel that snow, harsh and bitter. it was calming, a familiar feeling to focus on. the fresh icyness shouted over my screams and slowed me for a minute. but then, snow did what snow is like to do, it melted in my hands and darkened the knees of my trousers. and then the receding screams restarted and came back into focus. horrible. howling yells that shattered my mind yet just seemed to keep coming. there were hands on my back, light flutterings over my coat and forehead. whisperings in my ears.

they were too far away though, and none of them were the person I so desperately wanted them to be. they would never be who I wanted them to be, never the one person I was never meant to live without. i had to get away from them, the people who weren't him. but then they were farther away, dim lights far behind me.

I was running away from them but I only realised when I felt the burn and stretch of my legs. stumbling down the hill. I had nowhere to go, maybe I just wanted to be lost, or dead. maybe I wanted to be found frozen in the middle of the lake, a lost lover's name written on my lips, a last breath held tight by frozen lungs, and a scream; carved into my bitter heart.

I don't know what they say to people who have lost the thing that one must never lose; love is a hard thing to find at the best of times. but my lost love can never be found. for he is deep beneath the ground. so they can say nothing to me. how will I live a life of nothing? maybe I won't live. dead or alive? any life I choose to maintain will never be fully lived. he was my lifeblood, my every passing thought and every good memory I have. I love him, but he has left me. so I will love him forever. 

**Author's Note:**

> so that's that. it's not my best but I typed it all up so I'm posting it anyway. hope you liked it. if not, tell me why. thankyou for reading :))


End file.
